Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
