Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
