Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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