Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
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