Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Watching her eat just hurts me
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
