yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
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