i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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