you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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