I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Midget sex pt 2 tonight
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
