Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
There r osticjed everywhere
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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