I CAN MOONWALK!
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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