Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
