Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
