Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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