guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Randomize
