He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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