Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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