he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
