Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Randomize
