my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
