We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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