Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
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