return my video game
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
