and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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