Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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