How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Randomize
