You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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