I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
