I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
