"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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