just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
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