how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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