I heard we made out
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
