But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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