Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
