the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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