Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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