She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
