Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
