thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
there is puke in my bra ... again
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