Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Randomize
