Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
