so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
