Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
