I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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