i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
