youre lurking in front of me
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
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