Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
