im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
