____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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