My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
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