Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
