dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
