I'm going to jail i love you
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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