Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
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