That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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